Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike woke up when his stomach growled in hunger. He sat up, and his exhaustion reminded him that he hadn't really slept much at all the past few hours. He'd tossed and turned, troubled by the angry words from Angelus. His sire's accusations, the unspoken implication that he was *purposefully* feeding the older vampire's desires then enjoying refusing them, were wrong and unfair. But what hurt more was Angelus probably *believed* those things to be true.
He got out of bed and dressed, and then noticed the time. It was almost midnight; *that* was why he was so hungry. And then he realized that Angelus must be incredibly angry, not to wake him long before now. He shut up the voice that started to chant warnings of pain and suffering. His sire probably wouldn't hurt him.
He stopped and frowned. "Probably? When did I start thinking that way? Of course he damn well won't hurt me," he told himself. As soon as he uttered the words, he felt a twinge of uncertainty, however. Angelus hadn't been this angry since that night. "He promised he wouldn't hurt me," Spike reasoned, "As long as I was obedient. And I have been. I'm just... things are all confused. And he knows that. He won't hurt me." The insistent voice in his head started in with warnings to the contrary, and he tried to ignore it. He decided to find his sire and find out for himself whether things were so bad between them that he should be frightened.
*****
Ten minutes later.
Spike searched the house thoroughly, and came to the conclusion that Angelus was gone. He was hurt at first. Then angry. Then even more hurt. He wandered around the house, trying to think of something else to do, something other than *thinking*, which was the real problem. Angelus' angry words had stung, and he still couldn't stop dwelling on them. He hadn't even truly realized until tonight how frustrated he was making his sire, by his actions. He'd been focused on his own pain, and feelings of betrayal, instead. But rightly so. What had happened that night had shattered all his beliefs about his sire, especially those thoughts about certain lines Angelus would never cross.
What's done was done, though, and there was no way to pretend it had never happened. Which seemed to be what Angelus wanted. And he did too, but he wouldn't ever be able to forget. He just had to find a way to move on past it. And he thought he was making progress in that area. If he weren't, he wouldn't even be able to spend five minutes with Angelus.
Angelus would just have to be patient, a little longer. Spike hoped that was possible.
"One thing's for sure, I don't want to hang around here by myself, starving, while he works out his anger," he decided as he headed for the door. "If he hunts by himself tonight, I guess I do too."
**********
Angelus dropped his fifth victim of the night and wiped his mouth with his hand as he walked out into the street. He wasn't enjoying himself as much tonight as he had the past few nights. He wished Will was there with him, for about the twentieth time. He should have asked - no, *ordered* - his boy to join him. He shouldn't have let the younger vampire remain in his room, sulking.
He sighed and headed toward the carriage. He'd go home and make Will face him now. And he probably wouldn't be as harsh as he'd been earlier that morning. No, he *wouldn't* be. He'd just been angry. Frustrated with the *situation*, not with his childe. He'd explain that, and then suggest they just forget the whole argument. He'd be quite happy with that, and suspected William would too.
Angelus dropped his fifth victim of the night and wiped his mouth with his hand as he walked out into the street. He wasn't enjoying himself as much tonight as he had the past few nights. He wished Will was there with him, for about the twentieth time. He should have asked - no, *ordered* - his boy to join him. He shouldn't have let the younger vampire remain in his room, sulking.
He sighed and headed toward the carriage. He'd go home and make Will face him now. And he probably wouldn't be as harsh as he'd been earlier that morning. No, he *wouldn't* be. He'd just been angry. Frustrated with the *situation*, not with his childe. He'd explain that, and then suggest they just forget the whole argument. He'd be quite happy with that, and suspected William would too.
When he reached the house, he went straight for Will's room. Whether the boy wanted to see him or not wasn't the issue. They needed to talk, to mend whatever damage had been caused from the previous night's argument. Perhaps he'd bribe the boy with the reminder of training him to kill a slayer. He wasn't above using enticements to get Will's attention, it wouldn't be the first time he'd done so.
He knocked and waited several seconds, but there was no answer. "Will?" he called, knocking again. Still nothing. He sighed in exasperation. Why did this childe *always* have to be so difficult? He tried the doorknob, expecting to have to break *another* door down, but to his surprise, the door opened.
William wasn't there, however.
*Of course. He went hunting on his own,* Angelus realized. That meant their discussion would have to be delayed. The night was far from over, so it would probably be hours before Will returned. He went back downstairs to the library, to find himself a book to read while he waited.
********
Spike had fed quickly, the hunt being less than interesting when he was doing it alone. He wasn't in the mood to return to the house and argue again with Angelus, however. So instead, he decided to walk around in one of the parks nearby, hoping the fresh air might help clear his head a little.
He heard the growl, but before he could react, he was tackled. The next thing he felt was a burning pain in his ribs, as if his skin were being torn into. He screamed in pain, and pushed with all his might, feeling fur as he threw the beast off him. He screamed as the creature took more of his skin with him, but turned and tried to get to his feet. He was attacked before he could, though, and teeth sank into his shoulder and wouldn't let go.
He struggled, finally managing to flip backward, on top of the beast. It let go of him, and he scrambled away again. Suddenly he heard two loud pops. He looked back to see the creature - a wolf? - fall to the ground as it had tried to jump him again.
"Well, wasn't it lucky I was around?"
Spike looked up to see a young man - no, a vampire, he realized. The scent was different than that of a human. The vampire had a slight build, and dark blond hair, and was well-dressed. The interesting - and lucky thing, in this instance, was that he was also carrying a rifle. "Carry that everywhere ya go?" Spike asked, as he tried to get to his feet. "Aah!" he added, as he decided he was more badly hurt than he'd first realized.
"I do when I've heard word there's a pack of werewolves around, young William," the vampire replied with a smile.
"How d'you know my name?" Spike demanded, as he gingerly pulled his shirt up to look at the wound to his left rigs. It was about as bad as you would expect from a wolf, which was what the creature appeared to have been. He looked back up at the stranger, though he was more curious than wary. He hadn't gotten a sense that the other vampire was dangerous. Yet.
"I have heard about you, William, as all vampires hear of new descendants of the Master. I'm sorry, I'm being rude, not introducing myself. My name is Michael. I'm a ... well, an old friend of the family, I guess you could say. Angelus and I were once quite close, but I haven't seen him in several years."
Spike tried to get up again, and was hit with a wave of dizziness. Michael grabbed his arm and helped him stay on his feet. "Look, you're badly hurt. Come to my house. It's only a few blocks down the street. I've got servants who can help you get cleaned up, I can have them grab you some humans to replenish the blood you've lost."
"I can get home," Spike said, pushing Michael away. His knees buckled and Michael grabbed him around the waist.
"Are you sure about that?" Michael asked. "Because I'm not. And I remember Angelus well enough to know that he'll find me and skin me alive if I let his childe get attacked again on his way home by another werewolf, or a not so friendly vampire, or the occasional human with a stake. So, you see, it would be best for my health, as well as yours, if you were to let me help you get patched up first," he added with a smile.
Spike couldn't help but return the smile. Michael *did* seem to know Angelus and his possessive moods quite well. "All right. But stop calling me William. He calls me that, everyone else calls me Spike."
"All right, Spike. Nice to meet you, even if it wasn't in the best of circumstances," Michael said as they started walking down the street.
"Well, like you said, it was a lucky break for me," Spike replied with a shrug.
************
As Michael had said, his house was just a few blocks away, so they reached it quickly. And Spike was grateful for having met Michael, because he was feeling like he wouldn't have made it one more foot. The beast - the werewolf, he hadn't believed those were real until tonight - had caused him a lot of blood loss.
"Home sweet home," Michael said, as they walked inside. "MARIA!"
A young woman ran into the living room. "Yes, Master P--"
"No babbling, girl," Michael interrupted her, as he helped Spike to a chair. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace, and Spike tried to relax and not think about the pain. "My friend got attacked by a werewolf. Go get some rags, warm water, and bandages, quickly. And tell one of the minions to find him food."
The woman nodded and ran out of the room again. "So your'e the master of this house?" Spike said. Michael didn't look much older than him, even though it was possible he'd been a vampire for ten, fifty or a hundred years.
"I am," Michael nodded. "And I know what you're thinking, and you're right: I haven't been a vampire for very long. Ten years, in fact. But my sire was killed by a slayer, so I was left to become the master here."
Maria had returned and pulled the rags of his shirt away to wash Spike's wounds. He didn't feel self-conscious around Michael though; on the contrary he felt very comfortable around him. He felt a lot like family, even though Spike knew he waasn't. Angelus would have mentioned him. "What family are you from?" he asked.
"It's a small clan, and I'm the last survivor. You wouldn't have heard of us," Michael replied.
"Oh. I'm sorry. But it must be nice, too, not to have to live up to others' expectations," Spike said.
"Ah. Problems with Angelus?" Michael asked.
"No. It's just... sometimes I wouldn't mind being on my own," Spike said.
"Spike, Angelus has always been over-protective of his childer. If you two were getting along, you wouldn't have been out alone. And, knowing him as I once did, it doesn't surprise me that he did or said something to cause you two to... argue."
"I don't really want to talk about it," Spike said. Maria had finished and left after bandaging him, and Spike managed to stand up. "I should be going now, but thank you. For the help with the werewolf, and the chance to get cleaned up." He picked up his torn shirt and pulled it back on.
"You won't wait to feed?" Michael asked.
"I can make it home, now that I've had a chance to rest." Spike said.
"At least let one of my servants take you in the carriage," Michael suggested.
"You don't have to," Spike replied.
"I insist," Michael said. "It's the very least I can do to make sure you get home safely."
"All right," Spike conceded, only because Michael didn't seem to be a man you would easily win an argument against.
They walked outside and Michael told one of his men to get the carriage. "Spike, I'm sorry for putting my nose into something that wasn't my business," he said while they waited. "I know that was wrong of me, especially when you don't even know me. I hope I didn't offend you."
"You didn't," Spike said. "I really just need to get home. Angelus is probably starting to wonder what happened to me."
"I understand," Michael said. "Well, it was nice meeting you, even though the circumstances I'm sure were less than pleasant for you," he said.
"It could've been a hell of a lot worse," Spike said.
"I'm just glad I happened to be in the right place at the right time," Michael replied. "And there's the carriage."
"Right." Spike nodded. And even though he knew Angelus would be waiting for him, he didn't really want to leave. He had only spent an hour with Michael, but he felt so comfortable around him. He hadn't felt threatened by the man's inquiries about Angelus. He got the impression Michael had been genuinely sympathetic to his problems, as one would be toward a friend. A friend. Spike didn't have many of those. Drusilla and sometimes Angelus were the two people he felt he could count on most of the time. It wouldn't hurt to have another, and he wouldn't mind if that one were Michael. He had a feeling they would get along very well.
"If you wanted to come back, some night, if you were to get bored some time, I wouldn't mind," Michael said.
Spike wondered if the man had read his mind, or if he were just lonely. Probably more likely the latter. And it didn't surprise him that Michael got lonely. He had everything that Spike didn't: independence, money, power to have people and vampires to do anything he wished, a huge house that was all his. But he didn't seem to have anything that made him happy.
And neither did Spike, at the moment.
So... "I could do that," he agreed.
"Good," Michael said with a smile. "I hunt early, and am usually home again by nine o'clock. So any night you feel like dropping by, I'll be here."
"All right," Spike nodded and got into the carriage. "Thanks again."
"Don't mention it. It made my night much less boring than usual," Michael replied.
Spike sat back and rested as the carriage left. He felt physically terrible,
but emotionally he was in a better mood than he'd been in days. He was
actually glad he'd been attacked by a werewolf, because he'd met someone
he had an instant connection to. He hadn't felt that since Angelus, and
he'd missed it. He hoped he and Michael would turn out to be as good of
friends as he thought they'd be.
**********
Angelus was half-worried, half-furious. Half-furious because it had been four hours, and he couldn't believe that William had stayed away for that long. His boy should have long ago gotten past his need to "get back" at his sire. He was half-worried too, because he wasn't sure that William was staying away only out of spite. He might have been hurt.
And if he'd been hurt, Angelus hadn't been around to protect him. *He could be hurt, badly, and I don't have the first idea where to start looking* Angelus realized as he looked out the window by the door for the hundredth time.
A carriage stopped outside, and Angelus breathed a sigh of relief as William stepped out of it. "Where have you--" Angelus stopped in his intended tirade when he saw his childe. His blood-stained shirt was torn across the front, and the younger vampire was less than steady on his feet.
"What happened!" Angelus demanded as he rushed over and grabbed Will around the waist, helping him inside the house.
"I'm all right, there was a werewolf--"
"Damn it, Will, why do you keep doing this?!" Angelus yelled as he sat Will down in a chair just inside the house.
"Bloody hell!" Spike yelled back. "I didn't *do* anything, other than try to feed myself, after you left me here alone!"
Angelus' face seemed to soften in a second. "I'm sorry, Will," he said, cupping his chin in his hand and making him look him in the eyes. "You're right. If I hadn't left you alone, this wouldn't have happened. *Are* you all right?"
"I got lucky," Spike replied, even as he was still trying to process the fact he'd just gotten an apology from Angelus. An apology. From Angelus. Angelus who had said the word 'sorry' only once ever, that he could remember. "There was someone nearby; he helped me out."
"Who?"
"Another vampire, his name's Michael." He watched Angelus' face closely and didn't see any hint of recognition. "He said he knew you."
Angelus frowned. "Really. What clan is he from?"
"He didn't say," Spike shrugged. "Said he was the only one of them, anyway. And I bet you've known a lot of vampires in your lifetime, so maybe that's why you don't remember him."
"Maybe," Angelus replied. "Well, he helped you, so he's probably not from a rival clan. But I won't be certain about that until after I've met him."
"I don't know if I'll ever see him again. I wasn't planning on it," he lied. He felt protective of Michael, which was strange since technically Angelus was right. The vampire *could* have been lying all along, and could intend to harm him. But at the same time, he didn't think his initial instincts about not needing to worry about Michael had been wrong.
"If he approaches you again, you will bring him to meet me," Angelus said. "I won't take chances with your safety. Michael helped you, and for that I'm grateful, but I won't risk your safety out of gratitude."
"Fine, Angelus. Whatever you think is best," Spike replied, getting to his feet and moving toward the stairs. He hated lying to Angelus, but he didn't want to argue with him either. He decided on a compromise: if Michael didn't mind, he would take Angelus to meet him. But if Michael didn't want to see Angelus, Spike would respect his wishes and simply keep Angelus away from him.
"One thing I think is best for you is that you will not go hunting on your own again," Angelus said, taking Spike's arm and assisting him in walking to his room. "Twice now you've almost died."
*Great, now I'm back to having him as my shadow. I might not get to see Michael ever again.* Spike thought with a sigh, but he didn't argue. He was feeling weak and tired, and just wanted to sleep.
They entered Spike's room, and Angelus helped him sit down on the bed. When Angelus sat down next to him and started to help him remove his shirt, Spike heard that familiar voice in his head telling him to make Angelus stop. "I can do it myself," he said, and tried to push Angelus away.
Angelus stood up. "Fine, Will. Take care of yourself." He turned and started for the door.
"Sire, wait, please," Spike asked. "I'm sorry."
Angelus turned. "Are you?"
"Yes I am," Spike replied. "I know that you're angry about last night, and the night before that, but I'm not purposely trying to upset you." He searched Angelus' face for any signs that he believed him. "I'm not playing games, Angelus, you know that. You can tell when I... when I want... " *It's always been so hard to admit,* he thought but he knew he had to say it. "... when I want you."
"I can," Angelus said, and sat down in the chair by the door. He wasn't as angry as he had been just seconds earlier, mostly because he knew Will had taken a huge step in even admitting his physical attraction for him, something he hadn't done in weeks, and had never done without a lot of persuasion. "But I don't know that you're ready to act on that desire, Will. Even though three nights ago you agreed to work on that."
"I know what I said, Angelus," Spike said. "I keep thinking I *am* ready to be with you, but then..."
"You change your mind," Angelus said. "And maybe you aren't playing games. But whatever the problem is, I'm tired of it.. We've had three days alone together but you still panic every time we get closer."
"Only three days!" Spike yelled. "And I'm trying to trust you," he protested
"I don't want you to *try*, Will. I'm tired of waiting for you to *try*," Angelus said, as he stood up. "I want you to do it."
"Right, because it's that easy," Spike said bitterly.
"It may not be easy, but it's a choice you can make. It's about willpower, and you have that willpower inside you," Angelus said. "It's also about taking a risk, believing I won't ever punish you beyond what you deserve, and never to the point of what I did that night.. And I promise you that, but you have to choose to believe me."
He stood and added, "I know you think I'm rushing you, but we only have two and a half more weeks to be alone together. And if this is the way it's going to be, we're never going to make the progress I think we *both* want to make."
William didn't respond and Angelus sighed. "I'm going to bed, now, you should get some rest yourself." He didn't enjoy seeing the unhappiness in his childe's eyes as he left, but he didn't see the use in arguing further. It never got them any closer to a resolution.
He went to his room and undressed, getting into his big bed alone... which was becoming much too common an occurrence for his liking.